Here is a teaser from Football Flyboy due to be released this year:
Aunt Gladys would be at every family gathering. Indeed, she was quite the character. Gladys had enormous boobs that she would suffocate each of my cousins and me with when she hugged us. We hated it because our faces were always just that height to get the full impact of the smothering monsters as she pulled each of us in. I can hear her announcing herself as she entered the house, “Sugar, your Aunt Glad-Ass is here.”
There was no missing “Glad-Ass” with her dyed jet black hair that was piled about 9 inches high on her head—all ratted up. She had big, black glasses shaped like cat eyes with rhinestones all around them. She talked in a raspy, low voice, and called everyone “Sugar.” She would make a grand entrance with her flowing caftans and “Hello, Sugar” everyone in the room with her low Oklahoma accent.
She was a peculiar person. Well, we all know someone like that right? Every family has one of those. For the Cannon family, it was Aunt Gladys, who was fondly known as Glad-Ass.
She liked to faint. She could faint on cue, and do it beautifully. She wore caftans that flowed around her big body. In the south, we called the muumuus. They were always brightly colored with bold designs. Her’s were made of silk from China. She always had a bunch of China junk because her secret husband dealt in foreign trade.
She would suddenly announce, “I think I am going to faint, Sugar.” Then, sure enough, she would slowly fold softly on to the floor spreading her caftan around herself in a perfect puddle.
The family got so they would just step around her and go on visiting as if nothing happened, but Glad-Ass continued to faint adding to their pleasure.